Let’s talk about consent

We see the concept of consent as the starting point of the discourse over GBV. 

Consent is the voluntary and informed agreement given by all parties involved in a sexual activity. It should be continuous, enthusiastic, and can be withdrawn at any time without consequences. This means that before starting any practice with someone, you need to know if the person wants that too. Consent is the willingness of being together, it is the meeting point of common desires. It is a matter of personal boundaries, and respect of the boundaries of others; of knowing themselves and their desires, and being able to communicate them; of checking in if things aren’t clear; of responsibility, for asking it or giving it.

Watch this video to understand better what we mean by consent: 

Sexual activity without consent is violence

If we stop and analyze the term, we will notice that the word itself isn’t enough to help us understand the complexity of what it means. For instance, a person could feel ashamed, fearful or lack the tools to say “no”. Despite the fact that the person is explicitly and verbally saying “yes”, that “yes” may not be free, or informed. 

This video shows the complexity of this concept by using the acronym of FRIES:

Consent is also about laws: there are laws, in every country, defining who can consent and who can’t: people who are drunk, high or passed out cannot consent to sex. Also, there are laws that protect minors (people under the age of 18) from being pressured into sex with someone much older than them. We talk about “age of sexual consent” to indicate how old a person needs to be in order to be considered legally capable of consenting to sex – under this age, adults involved face jail time and being registered as a sex offender. The age of consent varies from country to country:

In our culture, the practice of consent is not very “natural”, because of its correlation with patriarchy and gender imbalances in which we live, because of the concept of power and the attitude to be performative, and competitive: it may be difficult to accept “no” as answers (see module 2 to learn more about gender imbalances). The path for building a different society, based on a culture of consent, is still long and difficult. But it starts from the commitment to be part of this change and approaching it with a transfeminist set up will improve its development.

Feminism is a social and political movement advocating for the equal rights, opportunities, and treatment of all genders. It challenges and seeks to dismantle systemic gender-based inequalities, discrimination, and stereotypes. That’s why we also talk about transfeminism, which refers to a specific subset of feminism that focuses on the rights and experiences of transgender individuals within the broader feminist framework. It addresses the intersectionality of gender identity and feminism, working towards inclusivity and equality for all women, cis and trans* (see module 2). Transfeminism challenges traditional gender norms, promotes inclusivity, and addresses the specific vulnerabilities and discrimination, contributing to a more comprehensive and effective fight against all forms of gender-based violence.

Watch out this video on the importance of consent.

“It’s just a joke”: Consent Culture vs Rape Culture

What obstacles the culture of consent to be spread in our society is the persistence of its antagonist, rape culture. This concept describes a society that encourages, normalizes and rationalizes gender-based violence, and above all sexual violence, as inevitable and a part of “natural” human behavior, rather than understanding it as structurally and culturally created and sustained. Social problems like sexist attitudes and gendered stereotypes can all lead to gendered violence. Small things like pulling a friend up on a sexist joke can help. It might be uncomfortable at first, but letting the people around you know that you don’t support those kinds of behaviours can make them stop and think twice about what they’re doing.

The best instrument we suggest to learn more and deeply understand GBV is the Rape Culture Pyramid: it shows how sexist attitudes can lead to escalating levels of abuse, how behaviors, beliefs, and systems are built on and work in conjunction with one another. At the bottom of the pyramid there are more common forms of violence such as sexsist jokes and attitudes or catcalling. These are often not even seen as forms of violence but they are nonetheless, and they form the basis for more dangerous forms including femicide. This pyramid only shows some examples of violence – the list is not exhaustive – but allows us to see that the change starts from the bottom of the pyramid. If we don’t understand and eliminate smaller forms of violence we cannot understand and eliminate the bigger ones.

The further up we go, the less socially acceptable the behaviours are. But we can’t measure harm to a victim or survivor by what ‘category’ it falls into – apart from death, right at the top. Everyone’s experience is different.

The tree of gender-based violence

Understanding the multifaceted nature of GBV is crucial in addressing this pressing concern. In order to talk about it, we like to represent it with the image of the tree: 

Roots – Root causes

The roots are the root causes of GBV: GBV happens because of a society’s attitudes towards and practices of gender discrimination. Typically, genders are put in rigid roles and positions of power, often with people socialized as women and other genders in a subordinate position in relation to men. This “accepted” gender roles strengthen the assumption that men have decision-making power and control over the rest of people. Acting GBV, perpetrators (whoever they are) seek to maintain privileges, power and control. Additionally to this, we mention also among the root causes the fact that in contexts of lack of awareness about human rights, gender equality, democracy and non-violent means of resolving problems, can be strengthened.

Root causes include:

• abuse of power 
• gender inequality
• patriarchy
• heteronormativity
• gender binary

Weather / Temperature – Contributing factors

Sun, rain, clouds represent the “climate” in which the tree may grow bigger and stronger. They represent all the so-called “contributing factors”: while gender inequality and abuse of power are the root causes of all forms of GBV, various other factors may influence the type and extent of it , increasing ones’ vulnerability to GBV.  Contributing factors are often mistaken as causes but it’s important to distinguish between them in order to fight against GBV. 

Contributing factors include: 

• abuse of substances; 
• economic  inequalities
• lack of education; 
• lack of social support, from institutions, families for example. 

Branches – Type of GBV

The trunk and branches of the tree represent the different types of GBV that can occur. They can be grouped under four general categories (emotional or psychological abuse, physical abuse, sexual abuse, economic abuse), that climb up to become the branches of the tree. In the images, we have represented the most occurring among adolescents.

Types of GBV include:

• Psychological violence, which causes psychological harm. It includes bullying, harassment, stalking, control, coercion, isolation, verbal insult and more. 
• Physical violence, which causes harm and uses physical force. it includes beating, kicking, punching and more.  
• Sexual violence, which refers to sexual acts performed without the other persons’ consent. It includes rape, assault, trafficking of human beings, unwanted sexual verbal conduct and more.
• Economic violence, which refers to acts that cause economic harm. It includes restricting financial resources, property damage, deprivation, limitation to employment and more. 

Leaves – Consequences of GBV

The leaves are the consequences of GBV for victims or survivors and their surroundings, and are far reaching: from the physical consequences to emotional and psychological consequences. 

Consequences of GBV include: 

• Psychological consequences: feeling ashamed, anxious, depressed, loss of appetite,difficulty to attend school or study and more 
• Physical consequences: health problems, self-harm, STIs, unwanted pregnancies and more. 
• Functional: changing a route or taking down a profile.  
• Social consequence: exclusion, rejection or isolation by family, friends. 

Who is affected by GBV?

Now that we have looked in depth at the definition of GBV, let’s focus for a while at who is the most affected, always keeping in mind that usually we only know the number of individuals who report GBV, not all of the individuals who have experienced GBV (there are a lot of reasons why this happens, like cultural factors, stigma or fear).

We said already that GBV affects people of all ages and all genders, because of their gender, and that’s exactly why we use the more complete expression “gender-based violence”. However, people socialized as women and girls are worldwide the most affected. One out of three has experienced GBV during their lifetime (WHO, 2021). The main form of violence affecting women is intimate partner violence (IPV). Young women aged 15 to 19 are more at risk of IPV than adult women: by the time they are 19 years old, almost 1 in 4 adolescent girls (24%) who have been in a relationship have already been physically, sexually, or psychologically abused by a partner (WHO, 2021).

The LGBTQIA+ community faces heightened violence from peers, from families that might apply pressure on the individual to conform to traditional gender roles, from strangers being just homo-lesbo-bi-transphobic. Most LGBTQIA+ students report having experienced bullying or violence on the basis of their sexual orientation or gender identity/expression (Plan/ICRW, 2015), as young people who are perceived as “resisting”, or as not fitting into traditional or binary gender norms, are at high risk of violence. Watch this video about GBV, youth and the LGBTQIA+ community.

You may have also heard the term toxic masculinity which refers to the fact that these social norms associated with men often impact negatively on men themselves and on other genders. It’s not to say that masculinity is bad, but that there are some behaviors connected to masculinity (such as being tough for example) that may have a negative impact (see module 2 to learn more about gender expectations). 

The “man box” – Especially in the school environment, boys are still expected to behave ‘like a man’, regarding their emotions, way of being and act, thus to be aligned to the “normative” definition of masculinity. We call it “the man box” to indicate the set of expectations according to which “a real man” should live – Watch out this video! 

You may have also heard the term toxic masculinity which refers to the fact that these social norms associated with men often impact negatively on men themselves and on other genders. It’s not to say that masculinity is bad, but that there are some behaviors connected to masculinity (such as being tough for example) that may have a negative impact (see module 2 to learn more about gender expectations). 

#NotAllMen – On the other hand, it happens more and more often, especially on social media and when severe cases of GBV are medialised, that we come across this hashtag. With this expression, people tend to claim a sense of injustice directed towards people socialised as men: “It is not a systemic problem, not all men are rapists nor murderers!”. Well, pointing this out is often seen as a rejection of responsibility towards other genders who, as we are seeing in this section, are much keener to be affected by GBV because they are less privileged in society. 

Understanding gender-based violence is crucial, especially when it comes to girls, young women, and young trans individuals who face more than one type of inequality or discrimination. When different forms of unfair treatment overlap, it increases the chances of experiencing gender-based violence. For instance, Black or Minority Ethnic (BME) girls might face gender-based violence intertwined with racism and sexism, while violence against girls with diverse abilities could involve disablist abuse along with sexism. These groups may find it harder to get support, and the impact of the violence they experience may be even greater.

We call this approach ‘intersectional’ because it considers how violence happens at the crossroads of different types of inequality or discrimination. This means looking at how different factors, like race, disability, or gender, all come together to affect someone’s experience of violence and their ability to get help. This is called intersectionality. To learn more about it go to module 5. 

How can I identify GBV in my relationships?

In module 1, we have already explored the different ways to build, and recognise, safe and healthy relationships. At this point of our journey, it is now time to talk about unhealthy ones – being the ones which lack the different characteristics expressed already, and may worryingly become what is called Intimate Partner Violence (IPV), Teen Dating Violence (TDV) or Domestic Violence,which refers to violent behaviour occurring within households or family environments. 

Watch out this video on intimate partner violence!

Terms like GBV (Gender-Based Violence) or IPV (Intimate Partner Violence) are often considered more inclusive and encompassing compared to the term “domestic violence.” GBV and IPV highlight the broader context and diverse forms of violence experienced beyond the traditional domestic setting, recognizing that violence can occur in various relationships and societal structures. The use of the term GBV acknowledges that violence isn’t confined solely to intimate partner relationships or within the household but extends to broader societal issues rooted in gender inequality, power dynamics, and discrimination. It encompasses violence that may occur in public spaces, workplaces, or within communities based on an individual’s gender identity. In contrast, the term “domestic violence” historically focused mainly on violence within familial or household settings, potentially excluding other forms of violence, such as violence against women in public spaces or structural inequalities that perpetuate violence. Emphasising GBV or IPV recognizes the need for comprehensive approaches that address societal attitudes, legal frameworks, and institutional changes to combat violence against individuals based on their gender, orientation, or identity. It acknowledges that violence isn’t confined to a single space but is a multifaceted issue requiring a holistic response. 

What are the signs of a toxic relationship? Watch out this video!

It’s hard sometimes to recognize the signs of unhealthy or abusive relationships – some of the clearer signs are:

• Control, when one takes all the decisions and tells the other on what to do, what to wear, or whom to associate with, or tries to isolate them. 
• Dependence: when one is afraid of the consequences of breaking up the relationship and thinks that they cannot exist without the other person.
• Digital control, when one keeps track of the other person through social media or digital platforms; or when they send constant messages demanding the other person’s attention at all times. 
• Dishonesty, when one keeps information from the other or manipulates them
• Disrespect: when one shames, mocks or gossips about the other behind their back.
• Hostility, when one person creates conflicts with the other or avoids solving them in a respectful way. 
• Harassment, when one makes the other feel unsafe through behaviors like catcalling or inappropriate comments about the other’s body or behavior. 
• Intimidation, when one person tries to make the other feel small and fearful, using tactics such as isolating them from friends and family or threatening violence or a breakup.
• Physical violence, when one uses physical force on the other.
• Sexual violence, when one person enacts sexual activity on the other without their consent. 

These behaviours may apply to all kinds of relationships, not only to romantic and sexual relationships but also friendships, family relationships, casual relationships, work relationships and many more.  

Unhealthy behaviours can happen sometimes, but what happens very often is that people in unhealthy relationships don’t try to change or learn from those abusive behaviours. So, it is very possible that unhealthy relationships can turn into abusive relationships. 

One further reason why people stay in abusive relationships can be understood through the so-called Cycle of Violence, in which the abusive behaviour aims to keep the abused person in the relationship through promises and denials.

The so-called honeymoon is when the abuser in an unhealthy relationship acts a sudden positive change that may seem very similar to the early part of the relationship, while apologising, promising to change and offering presents. However, soon the tension raises again and the old power structure is reasserted, eventually also the episodes of violence, until becoming closer and closer to each other and enter in an acute explosion. In this situation, typically the victim or survivor doesn’t initially recognise the cycle, while the abuser is denying responsibility.   

How does GBV happen online? Online GBV

Another situation on which we want you to be aware of is the occurrence of GBV in the online space. Nowadays, more and more people meet online, through dating apps and social media. Online dating and sexting (sharing sexually explicit content through chats) have become two very common ways for young people to make new connections and explore desires. They can be a great way to express your sexuality and foster intimacy, if based on mutual respect and consent. At the same time it’s important to pay attention to some security issues in order to stay safe. 

Online Gender-Based Violence can take many forms:

• Cyberflashing: sending explicit images without the receivers’ consent
• Cyberstalking: using digital tools to surveil the other person (reading messages or monitoring their movements)
• Digital voyeurism: recording, filming, viewing and sharing online videos or images without their consent (e.g. through hidden cameras, deepfaking or stealing of photographs).
• Doxing: sharing personal data and inciting others to contact the targeted person
• Identity theft and fake profiles: pretending to be someone else to harm the other person. 
• Gender-based hate speech: shaming, insulting, making hurtful comments to the other person based on their gender identity or orientation.
• Morphing: creating and sharing deep fakes of the other person to sexualise them. 
• Online grooming: establishing a relationship online with sexual aims.
• Online sexual harassment and bullying: bullying through online platforms (video)
• Non -consensual dissemination of intimate photos: sharing intimate photos of someone without their consent
• Sexploitation: commercial exploitation of sexual material
• Online threats and black mailing: threatening to disclose personal images or information unless some demands are met. when these demands are sexual it’s called sextortion. 
• Zoom bombing when people join online groups or chats and post racist, sexist or other content to disturb the participants.  

Online GBV has very harmful consequences on the victim or survivor, as explained earlier for GBV: physical, psychological, emotional and economic consequences. 

Love is not controlling! Watch out this video.

Online violence, just as all violence is never the victim or survivor’s fault and can happen to anyone. While it’s a systemic issue, there are some tips you could follow to minimise the possibilities:  

• Update your passwords every once in a while, and keep them safe. You can also use security mechanisms to like anti-virus programs.
• Avoid keeping your webcam open in your private spaces to avoid collection of private images in case of hacking. 
• When meeting people online, pay attention to: profiles without pictures or with pictures that look fake; profiles without information in the bio; people who refuse to talk through the phone or video call; people who ask you for money.

How to identify, handle and report situations of GBV

GBV could happen everywhere, from schools to social hangouts, from unwanted comments to actions that make people uncomfortable. It is important to learn to navigate through such situations since it creates a bad atmosphere and takes away our right to feel safe and respected. Education and awareness are super important in fighting against this problem and making sure everyone is treated fairly!

The steps mentioned below can be helpful for someone to identify and eventually handle situations of GBV:

• Do not blame yourself: it’s never your fault. The perpetrator is the only one who has taken the decision to harm you, and GBV can happen to anyone even if you take precautions. 
• Recognize the behavior: Confirm that the behavior you are encountering is GBV. It can take many different forms, such as unwanted advances, remarks, or any other sexual conduct that makes you uncomfortable – the ones explained above.
• Keep track and evidence of the incidents: Note down the incidents’ dates, times, locations, and specifics by keeping a record of them. Keep a record of all communications about the harassment. If you ultimately decide to report the harassment, this paperwork may be essential! If it’s online violence, keep all the evidence you have. 
• Set boundaries: Express your displeasure to the harasser in a firm and clear manner. Tell them clearly and firmly that their behavior is unwanted and that you want it to stop. Setting limits might help those who don’t always know their acts are wrong by bringing their attention to them. If it’s online violence consider blocking the perpetrator. 
• Know Your Rights: Become familiar with the laws and guidelines concerning GBV happening in school and in your community. Knowing your rights will give you more control over the situation.
• Consider Legal Advice: think about getting legal advice from a lawyer. If necessary, they can advise you on your legal choices and assist you in taking the proper legal action.
• Self-Care and psychological support: Remember to prioritize your well-being. Dealing with GBV can be emotionally draining. Engage in self-care activities that help you relax and cope with stress, such as talking to a counselor or therapist.
• Stay Persistent: Don’t be discouraged if the process takes time. Stay persistent and assertive in your pursuit of resolution. Your right to a safe and respectful environment is fundamental, and taking action is crucial in ensuring your well-being.
• Report the incident and seek support: some people may be hesitant to report to the authorities for fear of escalation or for fear of not being taken seriously. This is unfortunately still often a reality and for this reason it’s important that you do what you feel comfortable with, without any pressure. These are some options:
  • You can talk to your family members or friends who may offer initial support
  • You can also talk to your teachers and school if you feel comfortable: they should be able to take the necessary measures and refer to internal policies for Child Protection. 
  • If the incident is happening online, you can report the improper content to the platform administration. 
  • You can look out for NGOs or hotlines in your city or country
  • You can report to the police 

If you are not the person experiencing GBV but there is a disclosure in your group of friends here are some tips you can follow: 

• Don’t ignore what they’re saying 
• Let them know that you believe them
• Let them talk as much as they want, without insisting for them to tell more
• Consider with them the possibility of talking to other people keeping in mind that the priority is always their comfort
• Value their choice to share this with you and thank them
• Let them know that they are not alone and other people are in similar situations
• Let them know that it’s not their fault 
• Pay attention to their questions and ask them how they would like to act, rather than prioritising your own advice. 
• Listen closely to your own feelings too and make sure that you are in the right mental place to engage with the situation.